Healing After A Break Up

A very close friend of mine recently ended her engagement to her fiance after 5 months. It was brought to her attention that for the past year or more her fiance had been seeing at least one other woman without her knowledge. Hearing news like that could send us down several paths: we could internalize it; meaning we could believe that there was something that we did to cause the injustice, or we could let it motivate us to pour all of our newfound time and energy into something that makes us happy, and lastly we could wait a few weeks, maybe a month, and take the person back because sometimes it better to have someone than to not. All of these options are rational, lead us down very different paths, and say a lot about the voids we have in our lives that we seek to be fulfilled by others.

Step 1: Focus on yourself.
Understand that it is okay to take time for yourself and be a little selfish. Often times when we are in a relationship our focus shifts from being all about ourselves to now taking our significant others’ thoughts and feelings into consideration when we make decisions. After a break up, especially one seems to come out of no where there is a period where we have to almost relearn how to think and act solely for ourselves. Focus on YOUR job, YOUR family, anything that makes YOU happy.

Step 2: Spend time with permanent people Seek out those friends and family members who love you and support your happiness. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and will be there for you when you need. To use my friend as an example, when myself and our mutual friends found out about the called off engagement we rallied around our friend pouring love into her and talking her through this process. Be that for the people in your life and allow them to be that for you.

Step 3: Be honest with yourself The best advice I have ever received about relationships came from my husband’s grandmother and she says “what you over look in the beginning is what will hurt you in the end.” When you are honest with yourself you are going to have to ask yourself some tough questions such as: Did I ignore some red flags from the beginning? What reason did I have to overlook them? Did being with them truly make me happy? As well as, was I with him/her for the right reasons? Sometimes we get into relationships with people because they may remind us of someone we once loved, or because we feel we can “fix” them. Whatever the case may be make sure you are with someone because you love them and they treat you they way you deserve to be treated. Be honest with yourself about what you want and how you feel so that you can clearly communicate that in your next relationship.

Step 4: Find happiness within yourself and in the things you do Make the decision to be happy and don’t accept anything less from life. Although happiness is subjective it is also a choice. You can choose find happiness in every situation or you can let the situation dictate how you feel. Every human has the right to be happy and we should all support one another in attaining whatever it is that makes us each happy. In my opinion, choosing happiness is the only feeling that can get you through dark times. Knowing that you can be happy even in the mist of a storm frees us up to invite positivity into our lives. And if you believe “birds of a feather flock together” why not flock with other birds who are choosing happiness for themselves?

The most important lesson I would like for my readers, especially women, to take from this post is that when something like someone cheating on you happens it is NOT your fault. Your significant other may try to make you think that it is by saying “if you hadn’t done x-y-z, then I would have never done what I did”. This is manipulation at its finest and when you see this pop up in your relationship run! Relationships should be about love and respect not retaliation. Anyone who feels justified to act in a way that they know would hurt you does not deserve you or your love.

“No one can fill the void of happiness for you, only you withhold that power. And once you unleash the power of extraordinary bliss your soul will be content with life.” -Unknown

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